ong>Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
Being stupid is its own reward
Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.
Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
I say no to drugs, but they don’t listen
I have opinions of my own –strong opinions– but I don’t always agree with them.
Man has will, but woman has her way.
I keep hitting "escape", but I'm still here.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
The road to success is always under construction.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
In order to get a loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.
It is better to let people think you are stupid than to open your mouth and prove you are stupid”
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. ~P.D. East
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Born free, taxed to death.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
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